The meaning of a kiss.

It may not be in his kiss.

Aretha Franklin sings – Does he love me? I want to know. How can I tell if he loves me so?

After speculation about whether it’s in his eyes, arms or gifts, the song concludes “It’s in his kiss!

Kisses may communicate great love and intimacy – but they can also be part of an uncommitted phase of love, when a promise has been made and is yet untested.

Eyes are also important. It has been said they are the windows to the soul. Trouble maintaining eye contact often signals avoidance and inner dis-ease. But some people with deeply troubled souls are able to stare into your eyes and lie. So no  – that’s not where it is either – not that alone, or his arms or the gifts he gives you.

If you really want to know if he loves you so – it’s in his mind.

His mind – as it is for all of us – is the steering mechanism of his life.  It’s the source of all emotion – the platform of all values, attitudes, reasoning and choices.

If you want to know if he loves you so, you will see the reflection of his love in behavior, directed by his mind. How he treats you, will show you who he is. His choices will demonstrate his willingness to surrender to the responsibility of “To love is to give!”  Not just in easy moments of vibrant romance and passion. That’s the easy part of love – only the beginning.

If he loves you with a great and genuine love, he will be there to listen when your heart hurts, or in a negative moment you react to in anger. He’ll struggle, then, to calm his own self-protective impulses, treat you kindly and give you understanding, so you may feel safe with him even then.

When you are confused and looking for answers he’ll really listen to you, rather than telling you how you should think or what you need to do. When you are ready, if he has ideas he believes may be helpful, he’ll offer them believing in your ability to decide what works best for you.

Does he love me? I want to know. Then pay attention to his words and see whether his behavior follows in kind. What we say only matters if it is followed by consistent actions that demonstrate our true values and commitment. It’s how we treat those we profess to love, especially in tough moments, that demonstrates our love. It is in such moments we get to keep the promise!!


Image from Lukasz kryger under Creative Common License.

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Jeff Levine

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